remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
