it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
