please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
