It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
