I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds