I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize