Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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