the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
