Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
