My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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