Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
