Someone shit on the floor
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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