If that was your dad, he is hot
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
