Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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