every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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