and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
