I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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