Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
