he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
