Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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