I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
