after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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