And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
