In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's always time for handjobs
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
