Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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