The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize