So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There was a lot of him and a little penis
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
