I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
