No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
