I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
