I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
