Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
