just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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