I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
