If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
