What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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