hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
