So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
