During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He felt like a one man threesome
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
