I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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