i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
