If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
