I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
