So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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