Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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