His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
