we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
