My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
