I can text with my tongue
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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