Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
