Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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