The maid of honor just puked.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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