I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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