You made me cry and you don't even care
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
