If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize