she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
