I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
