Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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