Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
