Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
