I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
