based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
