I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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