Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

(1-407): View more from Florida

i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?

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(562): View more from California

Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.

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(720): View more from Colorado

the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

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(+61): View more from Australia

You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out

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(775): View more from Nevada

she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.

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