Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
