I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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