$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
